My Grief Observed - Post 1

I have always loved reading C.S. Lewis. When I was a young reader I devoured the Narnia series. Then as a young adult I rediscovered him and read many of his fiction and non-fiction. I was surprised to learn just a couple of weeks ago that he had written a grief journal after his wife, Joy, passed away. I immediately ordered it. It is only about 75 pages. He originally wrote it just for himself, then he published it under a different name. He is pretty courageous in how raw he displays his emotions. Grief is ugly and he doesn't pretend it is not.

As I've been reading it, I have marked many passages. I've cried in empathy and self-pity. So much of what he experiences seems similar to my own grief. So much is vastly different. It is interesting to me that he and Joy married later in life and came to know love in a non-traditional way. They connected intellectually, then spiritually, then emotionally, and lastly physically. That mirrors my experience with Hank (my husband). We connected in that order and each connection was deep and meaningful in its own time and place. Lewis and Joy were only married for a short time and the threat of cancer (she'd had it when they married) was always there. Again, Hank and I were only married for 3 1/2 years and he'd had tumors removed before we married. Even with the ever-present threat of death, C.S. Lewis and I both seem to have been caught off guard when our loved ones actually passed. How can that be? people wonder. I even wonder that sometimes. Yet, that is the truth of it. I never expected Hank to die so soon. I planned on a long life together.

Like C.S. Lewis, I have a deep faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ and in the resurrection of all. Like C.S. Lewis, I wonder what that really means for the departed. What are Joy and Hank doing? (C.S. Lewis, of course, knows by now).

I shall be making several posts related to my reading of this book. I plan to share passages and then my insights, questions, and thoughts regarding those passages. I look forward to this process. Writing is definitely a good way for me to process and even to exorcise grief.

I remain,
Merry Widow